Saturday, January 23, 2010

Code Pink

Hospital security is a good thing. I can't imagine anything worse than someone stealing a baby--or a hospital mix-up that sends the wrong baby home with the wrong parents. (With that said, an unfortunate mis-hap that might send Rylee home with another family, in exchange for a short brown-haired, brown eyed sweet, obedient little five-year-old girl, might actually be welcomed from time to time.) Fortunately, hospitals have implemented strict safety procedures which require matching of baby and parent id bracelets each time you want to "access" your newborn.

Thursday night I was able to have a romantic (when nurses weren't checking Jess' vitals) bedside dinner with Jessica, courtesy of Davis Hospital and our $700 per night rate (excluding insurance company liability). Over the course of our dinner, Jess decided she needed a bedside dinner with two men, so she asked me to go get Jackson (to be completely accurate though, at the time, he was still known as "the Baby").

I proceeded to the nursery, where I provided a blood and urine sample, a cheek swab, submitted to a retinal scan, and was then escorted through a series of security checkpoints, including an airport-like scanner, and a pat-down from a large male nursing assistant named Greg. Then they read the numbers on my bracelet, compared it with Jackson's, and then allowed me to take him to our room.

Somewhere on the way back to the room, I took a wrong turn. I think I went left, when I should've gone right. About thirty seconds later, I realized I had no idea where I was. Keep in mind, I wasn't in a ten-story trauma center, I was in a small community hospital in Layton, Utah. It shouldn't be that easy to get lost--especially when you start out about 200 feet from your deisred destination.

Somewhere, at this exact moment in Postpartum Room 210, Jessica received a phone call from the nursery. "Is your baby with you?"

Jess: "no. But my husband just went to go get him"
I think that explained it.

It was at the exact moment I realized I might be lost, that I also remembered something I was told in passing, the early that morning, following the baby's first bath at around 2 am. Something about an ankle bracelet that would set off alarms and lock down the elevators if you got too close to them. I think it was the "ding" of the elevator that reminded me of that little bit of info. Oops.

At that moment, Tricia RN, rounded the corner, at a full sprint, the serious look on her face relaxing in relief as she saw me sauntering towards her, pushing the plastic basinet-on-wheels, containing Baby-Boy-Dunroe.

Me: "Did I set off an alarm or something?"
Tricia RN: "You sure did"
Me: "Well, I work for a health insurance company you guys contract with and they sent me here to test out your newborn security procedures."
Tricia RN: Blank look. Not amused
Me: "You guys did OK, although I could've made it to the stairs if I wanted to"
Tricia RN: Still not amused "turn left at the end of the hall if you want to go back to your wife's room"

I thought it best if I kept this little misadventure to myself. I find it best to not load Jess' gun with ammo. It comes back to bite me at in-opportune times. I meandered into the room, like I hadn't just set off an alarm and locked down the elevators. I started off with some sort of small talk, but when I parted the fancy hospital curtain that provides the last line of patient privacy, I could tell by Jess' face that she had just been reassured that her husband was an idiot.

"So you set off those alarms huh?"

As I got home that night, I was remembering my little "code pink" (baby abduction for those of you who don't watch Greys Anatomy). I pulled into the garage. Walked into the kitchen. Put the Yukon keys on their special hook--just in case Jessica were to come home suddenly, unexpectedly from the hospital, I had to make sure everything was in it's assigned location. I sat down on the couch, flipped on the TV, happy for a few quiet moments of reflection. Quiet? Oops. I forgot to pick up the kids. Sorry Grace! Thanks for watching them while I just take a little time to myself.

Guess I was a little tired. I'm sure it's hard going through labor in the middle of the night. But it can also be hard to sit around uselessly all night long in multiple hospital rooms answering hospital staff's superficial questions and trying hard just to do what you're told.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Male Bonding

Well, he came.
Baby Boy Dunroe #2. At 11:40'something pm on January 20th. 6 pounds, 8 ounces. 19 1/2 inches long.
I tested Jess' name of choice. "Luke"...
In my Darth Vader voice. (Complete with "audible labored breathing through a black mask" sound effect.)
"Luke...I am your father."
The little guy scrunched up his face, and gave what appeared to be his best "severed hand, clinging to an overhanging railing, Mark Hamill" impression and yelled, "Nooooooooooooo!"
It was a little creepy.
You remember the scene in The Empire Strikes Back. When millions of women across the country simultaneously decided Mark Hamill was more bizarre than cute.
It was just like that.
So the name "Luke" may be out.
Sorry Jess.

At any rate, here are some pictures.

And now for the male bonding....

At first it seems like he was just tired....Or hungry.

Then it seemed like he was just confused.

Tunrs out, he was hungry.

And confused.

Hopefully, someday we will bond eating hot dogs at LaVell Edwards Stadium.
And not with him latched onto his dad's chest.

Luke, I am not your father.
Turns out I'm your mother.

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Memorable Moments from the Weekend

At the drive thru window of Pace's:
Rylee: That girl (the one at the drive up window) is really pretty
Tayler: Not as pretty as mommy.
Me: Of course not Tay....Also, don't forget to tell your mommy I said that. If you forget, I'll have to post it on my blog.

Me: Jess, sorry the fog is so thick tonight. You won't be able to see our shirtless backyard neighbor wandering through his blind-less house with huge windows.
Jess: What? (feigning confusion and misunderstanding at what I had said). I've never even noticed!
Me: Right....too bad he's a pilot and not a fireman.
Jess: looks like a fireman to me.
(Disclaimer: the re-telling of this interactment might be slightly imbellished. Slightly.)

At Energy Solutions Arena:
Found out that my dear bride has a little thing for Kyle Korver.For her sake, I won't tell you what she said. (Hint: Think Masha Kirelinko's "pass").

Tayler (speaking to me):
"Mommy, do you think...I mean, Dad, do you think..."
Me: "Do you ever make that same mistake and call your mother, Dad?"
Tay: "No"

Came home from the Jazz game Saturday to a homemade "Service Box" Tayler had created, complete with little slips of paper.
Each one has an idea for a "random" act of service.
For example: Do someone else's "chores" (I think "Ma" taught little "Half-pint" what the word "chore" meant while "Pa" was "in town" picking up sugar, salt, and flour at the "Olson's General Store"--I often still reflect on life lessons learned from Ma, Pa, and Laura on Little House On the Prairie).
Give someone a hug
Make someone's bed
It's very refreshing to know that Tayler is thoughtful enough for the rest of us.

Boys Night at Dollar Cuts

So Chubbs (Jayson) and I headed to Dollar Cuts.
He was really excited to go, but got nervous as they put the protective cape (complete with multicolored fishies) around his neck.
They cut my hair simultaneously in the chair next to his.

Hairstylist One: "You look so cute Jayson, just like your daddy" (Seriously, I know you are just angling for a big tip. But no just earned it).
Jayson: "Yes, I cute" (he gets his confidence from his mother)
Hairstylist Two: "You are such a big boy Jayson"
Jayson: "Yes, I a big boy".

Unfortunately they finished my cut (since I have less hair) before Jaysons. When he saw that I was finished he declared the same for himself, "I done" and proceeded to start yanking off the protective cape.
Fortunately, Hairstylist One was able to coax Jayson to remain in the chair through the promise of using styling gel in his hair "just like your daddy has". It worked.
As we exited dollar cuts, the hairstylists all said goodbye to Jayson. He blew them all kisses (seems to be his thing, and it seems to work).
Then my little Momma's Boy prattled all the way home about how excited he was to show his "Mommy" and "Tay Tay" and "Ry Pie". When we got home, they weren't there, so we took pictures for them instead.

Sunday, January 10, 2010

The Circus Heads to the Quilted Bear

Tayler's Circus Drawing during church

Friday night my keen husband senses (the look on Jess' face) told me Jess needed a break from the Circus (the affectionate name we use to denote all of our kids collectively). So after Rylee's birthday party at Boondocks, we went shopping. Sort of.

Jayson and I arrived late. He promptly took off his shoes and invited himself to bowl with the actual party guests.

We went to Bed, Bath and Beyond to get Tayler a super, glitter, bouncy ball. She has wanted one for the past month. Jayson and Rylee decided, after five seconds, that they needed one.
So I had to buy three.
Then we went to the Quilted Bear to look for shelves for Jayson and the new baby's room. We are "nesting". Well, Jess is nesting.

Unlike a father Robin, I don't really nest. I just help out where I'm told.
I've been told that we need to decorate the boys' room. So I went looking for shelves.
With the circus.

I got distracted from shelf-shopping by some Willow Tree carvings. Mothers and fathers in various poses with each other and with their children. I asked the kids which ones reminded them most of their mother. Their choices were interesting. So I chose the one that most reminds me of Jess.

It's too difficult to adequately summarize the entire circus-Quilted Bear experience. So I've chosen my favorites.

Tayler: "I don't like that one (the first one Willow Tree carving I chose) because I have never seen mommy sitting on a rock."

Since many of the boutiques had pictures of LDS temples, Rylee sang a primary song. In traditional Rylee fashion.
At the top of her lungs.
Throughout the entire store. "I love to see the temple. I'm going there someday..."

Tayler: Dad, why don't you get this for Mom? It will make her cry. (Picture of Jesus with nail marks in his hands and wrists).

Rylee: "I have to go to the bathroom."

Me: "Has anyone seen Rylee? Rylee!"

Rylee: (Heard from three aisles away), "I'll prepare myself while I am young...This is my sacred duty." (Must've been interesting, particularly for the non-LDS shoppers).

Jayson:"Daddy, poopie" (Means either number one or two is on its way--you don't know which until you're at the point of delivery).

Me: "Don't touch that. Or that. Or that. Rylee, do you want to go sit in the car?"
"Jayson, please stop touching things or you'll go sit in the car, by yourself."
Tayler: "By himself? Yeah, right."
Me: "Tayler, please stop ruining my idle threats." Tayler: "What does 'idle' mean?"

My favorite part was standing in line waiting for our turn to checkout.Tayler saw a little bear holding a red heart that says "kiss me".

Tayler: "Daddy, why don't you get this for mommy?"

Rylee: "You could come home and say, I love you sweetheart!" (I felt like I was in high school being teased by my little sister).

Tayler: "Then you could kiss her on the lips, OOOHHH!

Rylee: "Whoo-hooohhh". At this point she moved close to Tayler and put her arms around her neck.

Thankfully, rather than kiss, they both leaned their heads back and laughed and giggled and laughed.
This made Jayson laugh hysterically from his perch in the shopping cart.
They repeated this same annoying enactment about four more times, each time having me say something else to Jess that resulted in her kissing me. Each time they roared with laughter.
So did everyone else standing in line.
As did the cashier.
I just couldn't wait to get the circus home and send them to their rooms.

Rylee drew this at church and gave it to Jess. Apparently it's a picture of Jess.

Pregnant Jess. I think it's pregnant, angry Jess (look at the size of those eyes) who just woke up and stumbled out of bed, apparently hungover (look at the bed-head and the crazy look on her face). Rylee is very proud of it. Jess isn't.

Sunday, January 3, 2010

Happy Birthday Rylee-Pot-Pie!!!

I can't believe it's been five years since I was heading back to the hospital with two-year-old Tayler who was anxiously proclaiming, "I'm coming Baby Rylee, I'm coming Baby Rylee". They've been best buds ever since.

She picked up Jayson from the nursery today after church. When I found the two of them holding hands in the foyer, I told her that it's probably better if she lets Jess or I pick him up. She responded, "Well, I'm five today Dad". Good point Ry.

She continues to add the spice to our lives. She knows exactly what buttons to push to get a rise out of any of us. She loves to cuddle and she loves to be a big sister. She seems anxious for another little brother to mother and bully. She's still determined to grow up and marry Jayson; because, as she tells us so often, "he's just so cute."

She keeps telling Jess each day that the baby in her belly looks bigger--a comment sure to make Jess' day.

One day a few weeks ago when I got home from work, she informed me that she saw Santa at the Chick-fil-a (Layton Hills Mall). She got a very serious look on her face and told me in her matter-of-fact tone, "There wasn't a princess dress in his sack." In her little mind, this meant she wasn't going to get her number one gift for Christmas. I wondered at the time how she got a peak into his sack, but then I'd probably rather not know.

Christmas morning as she watched Jayson play with his new train, she informed us that next year she wanted a pink train for Christmas. So we got her one for her birthday (white, orange and blue because we couldn't find a pink one). When she opened it, she turned to me and with a slight look of disappointment informed me, "but it's not a girl train dad". "That's cause most girls don't play with trains son."

The scariest thing about Rylee is she understands waaaay more than she ever lets on and she has a steel trap for a brain. She remembers the littlest details about everything! One things for sure, our lives have never been the same since she joined our family.

I love you my little (big) Rylee-Pot-Pie, Happy Birthday!